Corrie ten Boom, Rosa Parks, Alice Paul and Jesus, Part 1
(This blog was published on Facebook on May 20, 2020, when we were experiencing a lot of protests. I had not published this on my blog website and have been holding on to it until the appropriate time. With the rise in more protests (although for a different reason), I felt God nudging me to publish it now.)
In my post about “Why We Do What We Do”, I talked about different personality types and how they respond in a crisis. One of those personality types has a need to take action. I have always admired that attribute because I am less likely to take action because I care too much about how those actions might affect others or what others may think. So I tend to sit in my self preservation bubble and just observe.
I ask myself, would I have had the courage to be Corrie ten Boom and protect the Jewish people by hiding them in my home from the Nazis? Would I have been courageous like Rosa Parks in 1955 and refuse to give up my seat on the bus to a white person when ordered to by the bus driver, which would lead to my arrest? Would I be courageous enough like Alice Paul and peacefully picket the White House so I, a woman, may have the right to vote? I honestly don’t know. I would like to think my desire for justice would outweigh my desire for no conflict. Because who likes conflict?
Most of us try to stay away from it. We don’t post controversial subjects on our social media because of our fear of what others may say about us. We don’t do or say anything that stirs up the pot because we are afraid that we might lose our jobs or damage our reputations. It’s always a fear of something.
It was the fear of arrest that kept some people from protecting the Jewish people from the Nazis. It was the fear of possible death, persecution and ostracization that kept some people from disobeying the unjust segregation laws of the land. It was the fear of being taunted and ridiculed that kept some women from standing up for their rights. If the time came for me to stand up to injustice, could I do it? Could you do it?
When my son was younger, he was teased a lot because of his quirkiness. The bullies began to discover his buttons and were not afraid to push them. To try and help my son I bought a book by Paul Coughlin called Raising Bully-Proof Kids. He is a Christian author and speaker who travels to schools helping kids to be protectors instead of bystanders. His words touched me deeply and made me question myself as well as what I was teaching my kids.
Photo by Ilayza Macayan on Unsplash
Growing up as a middle child, I tried to stay away from conflict. I tried to smooth the waves instead of cause them. I was the nice girl. I tried to do the nice things. I tried not to rock the boat. It only took me 40+ years to realize that being the nice girl came with a lot of fear. Lynn Hybels said it perfectly in her book, Nice Girls Don’t Change the World, that “disappointing people is the greatest fear of the nice girl” (58).
God in his amazing goodness, has taught me over the years, along with being an actor that gets multiple rejections, that I will never be all things to all people. I’m continually learning that I can’t please everyone, and what is more important is that I please my Lord. So what does that have to do with injustice? Be patient. I’m getting there.
Because of my need to be the “nice girl,” it bled into my parenting. When it came to teaching my kids to be the “nice person,” I taught them all good things, at least in my mind. Things that I learned growing up within my family and within my church. Ideas that are biblical. Ideas like “turn the other cheek,” “give your problems to Jesus,” and “love others.” Coughlin points out the other “nice” things that some churches may teach us; like, “anger is not ok” and “be at peace with all.” But I didn’t do a great job of teaching them courage and boldness.
Most churches will teach quite a lot about the gentle virtues of Jesus such as gentleness, meekness, and humility. Where we, and the generations before us, have failed is teaching our kids the more rugged virtues of the bible: bravery, courage and boldness. So what does that look like?
We have inadvertently taught them that “turning the other cheek” means they shouldn’t stand up for themselves. That they shouldn’t respond at all. Instead walk away. We have failed to teach them to defend themselves in a way that does not return evil for evil.
“Parents who teach their children that all conflict is wrong are telling their kids that being a punching bag will somehow show others Christian love. True peace, true justice, true respect, and true goodwill become distorted for these kids, and they often become doormats.” (Coughlin, pg. 124)
We have inadvertently taught them that “be at peace with all” means they should never disturb the peace. They should never rock the boat or cause conflict. We have failed to teach them that conflict exists, it is a normal part of life and sometimes it is necessary for our own growth. Coughlin explains, “Where there is real peace, we are to keep peace. But where there is not peace, we are to make peace, and that can require conflict. Peace is not merely the absence of tumult; peace means that things have been made right, and where they have not been made right, it is wrong to pretend perpetually that there is peace, justice, respect, and goodwill.” (Coughlin, pg. 123).
We have inadvertently taught them that “give your problems to Jesus” means they should hand over their problems to Jesus to take care of and then sit back and do nothing with it. We have failed to teach them of our personal responsibility when it comes to fixing problems or handling conflict. God wants to walk with us through the problem. The idea of “give your problems to Jesus” “takes true facts about our faith – in this case Jesus’ desire and ability to help us with our troubles – and manipulates them in order to hide from both terror of conflict and responsibility for action.” (Coughlin, pg. 125)
We have inadvertently taught them that to “love others” we need to do nice things for others and we don’t do things to make them feel uncomfortable or upset. We have failed to teach them that
“love includes caring so much about someone that you confront him when he’s wrong and defend him when he’s under attack.” (Coughlin, pg. 131)
We have inadvertently taught them that “anger is not ok” means we should never be angry. We have failed to teach them that anger is just another God-given emotion and that we just need to learn that “a hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute.” Proverbs 15:18
These are all symptoms of what Coughlin refers to as “the dangers of a “nice” Christian upbringing,” and he believes these are some of the reasons contributing to why we have adults and children becoming bystanders in life.
This is why we have children watching other children being bullied and they don’t do anything.
This is why we have adults who would rather take the verbal lashings of a friend or loved one than stand up and say, “I don’t deserve to be treated this way.”
This is why we have people who don’t want to confront others to restore a relationship because it is too hard.
Photo by Victoria Borodinova on Pexels.com
As a recovering people-pleaser, I have struggled, and still struggle, with it all. So I ask again, when the time comes, will I be able to stand up to injustice like Rosa Parks or Alice Paul? And it hit me.
If I can’t deal with conflict and confrontation on a small scale, with the people in my life, then how am I going to be able to stand up to a big bully on a grander scale?
Ouch.
So, what can I do to get myself there?
First I need to let go of my need to be the “nice girl” and my need to please those around me. I love what Lynne Hybels says,
“The opposite of a nice girl I learned is a “good” woman. Being a good woman means trading the safe, passive, people-pleasing behavior of niceness for the dynamic power of true goodness. It means moving from the weakness and immaturity of girlhood toward the strength and maturity of womanhood” (this can be applied to men as well who find themselves in this struggle).
Second, I need to tackle the fear that keeps me from the more rugged virtues of courage, bravery and boldness. God knows we fear and mentions many times in the bible to not be afraid. But He also says, “I have not given you a spirit of fear. I have given you a spirit of love and of power, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
This is something in my life that needs to be daily placed at the altar so that it doesn’t start to control me. And every time I step out and do something to put anxiety in its place, I’m building my courage. I love John Wayne’s quote,
“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.”
Third, I need to be willing to say “Yes Jesus” when it is time. I need to listen and obey. I need to trust in my Father and do what He asks of me, even if I don’t understand or I’m afraid. I need to be like Ananias, who was asked by God to go heal Saul, a man who was persecuting the new Christians. Even though he was hesitant, knowing what Saul could possibly do to him, he obeyed, trusting in the faithfulness and character of his Lord. (Acts 9:10-19)
“When people follow Christ, they become neither pacifists nor Jihadists. We become truth bearers, redemption seekers – bearers of light in a world at war with the Real. We are called to exert our will, in line with God’s, to carry out His purpose on earth. Sometimes this includes conflict. Our participation in God’s redemptive work requires the tougher virtues, such as discipline, perseverance, and fortitude. We are required to use force justly, wisely and in the service of love, which isn’t always comfortable, pleasant or nice.” (Coughlin, pg. 124)
Lord, may I be a bearer of light in a dark world, even if that requires conflict. And may I be a protector of your people instead of a bystander hiding in my self-preservation bubble.
To be continued…
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