Trophies
“Can trophies be recycled?”
I typed this into Google the other day.
Sitting in my garage was a box of trophies from my childhood. For over a year now they have sat there collecting dust, waiting for me to decide their fate.
I finally did it today. I parted ways with them.
And as I drove away from the donation site, I stared at them as they poked up from the box. A sense of sadness and a small amount of mourning washed over me.
I finally said, goodbye…
And it was good.
As a child and teenager, I strove to be the good girl. The nice girl (well…at least after my short stint as an angry child). I wanted to be loved, appreciated and to feel like I mattered. And I believed I needed to perform well in life to get those things. Good grades. Awards. Trophies. Achievements. Accomplishments.
That mindset went with me into adulthood and unfortunately into motherhood. Performance orientation and people pleasing clung to my back with it’s ugly claws, and the blood that dripped from those wounds bled onto my own children.
Don’t get me wrong. Doing well in things and trying to be the best you can be is not bad in and of itself. But my motives and beliefs were messed up. All this performing and striving was about me. The trophies, accomplishments and acolaides were ultimately about me. My talent. My drive. My hard work. My desires. My wants. My needs.
Me. Me. Me.
I have come to a point in my life where I finally realized…
It’s not about me.
And…
I am not enough.
Alone, striving, reaching, performing. I will never be enough. Others will never be enough. I will never reach or get what my heart so desperately longs for…
Love, acceptance and worth.
The good news is that I don’t have to be enough because God is enough.
He is enough to make you more than enough to survive any circumstance and follow Him wherever He sends you. Erica Wiggenhorn, Letting God Be Enough
When we take our eyes off of ourselves and others, and put them on Him, trusting Him to fill every hole in our hearts, our lives open up to so much more.
So much more love.
So much more courage.
So much more fulfillment.
So much more purpose.
So much more peace.
God created you to enter into relationship with you. He knows every single one of your capabilities and your gifting. He also knows when you can’t install a printer. He gets you. He did not create you to become dependent on you. He created you to be dependent on Him– to find in relationship with Him life’s fullest meaning. Erica Wiggenhorn, Letting God Be Enough
Over time, God was subtly pushed to the side by my husband and children. I wrote a blog called, Lip Service that talked about it. They became the idols of my heart because I believed I needed them to give me purpose, fulfillment and worth. Only God can do that.
Idols.
Trophies.
Finally, I don’t want them nor do I need them anymore.
It’s a daily struggle, but ultimately the only trophy I want now is the crown I will receive when I walk through those pearly gates.
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12 (NIV)
And I long to hear from my Savior,
“Well done, good and faithful servant!” (Matthew 25:23a NIV)
Well done.
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