RBF, Covid19 and the Condition of My Heart Part 2
(Published on Facebook on April 14, 2020)
Anti-lockdown or Pro-lockdown?
Pro- social distancing or Anti- social distancing?
I can feel the division. I witness the arrows of criticism. I feel bombarded by the animosity. The disdain. The anger. It surrounds me and overwhelms me. And I start to feel the judgment ooze out of me. I start to get caught up in the rising winds of shame, and I must decide what to do with it.
A friend on Facebook talked about going into Target and witnessing a person wearing a N95 mask being verbally attacked by another. I see news articles and community FB posts shaming those who are outside. Or groups of us visiting on Zoom, in the safety of our homes, lambaste those who are still working, or not wearing masks or still meeting in small groups. I start to form in my mind…what is right.
Each individual takes what they see and hear, and forms in their minds…what is right in their eyes.
Then, just like my actor branding instructor and class, we throw out our impressions.
Clueless. Ignorant. Stupid. Inconsiderate. Selfish.
At that point we have turned a very subtle, and downward-spiraling corner, and we now sit on a seat of judgment that we have no right to sit in.
I posted a picture on Facebook of a man at Costco who was wearing a homemade hazmat suit. I thought it was a tad extreme. We all laughed. Only one person commented that maybe he was doing it to protect his family. And it got me thinking…
Why are we so quick to judge? To assume?
When did we stop seeing the human being in front of us?
Someone who has a personal story, who has feelings, who has fears just like us.
I can just imagine the person in Target with the N95 mask on. Maybe she was wearing it because she lives with her elderly parents who both have underlying medical conditions. Maybe the person verbally attacking her reacted out of fear or sadness because her daughter is a doctor dealing with the virus daily and without proper protection.
Maybe the young men playing basketball in the park are trying to stay out of the house and away from their computers because they battle with a porn addiction. And staying home would suck them right back into the throes of their addiction.
Maybe the two friends who got together to watch the sunset are out there because one is trying to help the other get out of the dark hole of depression because if she stays home one more day without seeing another person, she believes she would be better off dead.
Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com
Maybe the person who continues to work even though she doesn’t have to is avoiding being home because her abusive husband is there, drunk and ready to explode.
We just don’t know. We don’t know why they are doing what they are doing because we haven’t taken the time to find out. We need to stop assuming, stop judging and start to seek understanding.
Otherwise, we begin to foster a climate of shame. A climate of shame so thick that people feel like they have to explain, defend, or clarify their actions so they are not attacked or shamed.
Instead of posting a cute picture of their family at a coffee shop, they have to clarify that the picture was taken before the shut down.
Instead of just telling a family member about the wonderful day they spent with a friend at the park, they have to explain that they stayed 6 feet apart.
Instead of going to the grocery store like she always does with her 5 year old, the single mother with no other family has to pin a note to her daughter defending why she had to bring her daughter with her to the store.
What are we doing?
These may be the issues that are prominent in our minds and hearts now, but our society has always been quick to pick sides.
Pro-life or Pro-abortion?
Anti-vaccines or Pro-vaccine?
Pro-Trump or Anti-Trump?
Division. Judgement. Shame.
Some of my fellow actors saw my type as something good: a nurse, a teacher. My instructor saw me as a judgmental b*#tch.
How can people look at the same thing and see something totally different?
Because we are seeing through our own eyes, our own filters.
Filters that were created from our memories, personality, trauma, and experiences. From our childhood experiences that lie deeply embedded in our psyche.
Maybe my instructor had an ex-wife who he hated because she was a b*#ch and I just happened to look a lot like her? I will never know.
What I do know is that when my filter gets in the way, I blind myself to the person in front of me and all I see is myself. My thoughts. My feelings. My needs. My wants. Before I know it there is no room left for others.
I posted an article on Facebook that had two distinct sides to a social issue. A friend obviously didn’t agree with the article and proceeded to “educate” us on what was in her mind, Truth. She then proceeded to put on her own post, how she tried to educate others and how hard that was. Because in her mind, we were “fruit loops”. I responded to her and asked her if she ever sat down with someone from the “other” side and asked them why they feel the way they feel. To try and understand their position. To understand their personal story.
Friends, when did we stop asking questions to try and understand?
It is time to take off our filtered glasses and open our hearts. Ask questions. Seek to understand. Stop the climate of shame.
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19 (NIV)
My prayer is that we will all become slow to speak and quick to listen. Maybe, just maybe, we can come out of this pandemic with a change of heart. A new way of looking at others. Instead of being quick to respond, we instead seek to understand by asking questions, get to know the other person, and have an open dialogue. I also pray that we begin to examine our own filters and start asking questions about why we react the way we do. What is going on inside of me that causes me to get so angry or hurt or judgmental? Maybe this is a topic for another post…?
Give us a spirit of compassion Lord. And maybe, just maybe, we will start seeing others like You do. With Jesus’ eyes, not our own.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)
I’m choosing to look for the light instead of the darkness in another and foster love instead of shame.
What will you choose to do?
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