Vitriol at Starbucks
(published on Facebook on October 9, 2020)
I wish I could say that Starbucks had a new drink called Vitriol; though it would be apropos for the times we are in right now. But alas, it wasn’t a cold frothy drink I experienced at my local Starbucks, but a deeply saddening display of vitriol.
As I walk up to the entrance to Starbucks, I notice immediately a car parked, without the driver in it, right behind those who were parked in the handicap spots, thus blocking them in. I proceed inside to wait for my mobile order and as I’m standing there I notice outside that a woman is trying to back her car out of the handicap spot inch by inch. The car has blocked her in and she is doing her best to get out. I wish I could say at this point I went out to help her back out, but I was so dumbfounded as to who would do such a thing, I began to look around Starbucks wondering who would do this. As I turn my head to the left, a woman standing there looks right at me and as our eyes lock, she goes off. I guess I had a “who would do this?” look on my face because she immediately points to the boot on her broken foot and begins to loudly justify why she parked there. I try to calmly ask her a question, but she continues her rant only to have a man standing nearby jump right in, as if they were picking back up where they left off. A huge argument ensues.
As the two argue with each other I slowly back away hoping to find my drink ready, but unfortunately it was not. So I stand there in utter amazement as another man walks through the door and seeing the heated argument, tries to calm the situation down but only succeeds in adding fuel to the fire. Now there are three people yelling at each other! Soon a Starbucks employee comes over and tries to get people to calm down, but to no avail. The only thing that defuses the situation was the arrival of their drinks and food. The first two people leave and I’m left with the third man who tried to be the voice of reason in the situation. When I thought all was well, the second man comes back in, says a few choice parting words to the third man, and walks back out.
What in the world was all of that?
Photo by Zdeněk Macháček on Unsplash
The word that kept popping into my mind was VITRIOL.
Vitriol is a word I had only a vague recollection of because I rarely felt the need to use it. I even had to look up the word to remind myself of its definition. Vitriol means cruel and bitter criticism, and this word originated from various colored compounds of sulfate and/or sulphuric acid some of which were called blue vitriol and green vitriol. This word so adequately described the anger and hatred that spewed out of their mouths like acid.
But I soon realized after this experience, that vitriol was oozing out more and more in people around me. Acid of anger and hate spewing from Facebook posts, Instagram videos, TikTok and news clips. It is everywhere. And if you have read any of my other Digging Deep posts, you’ll know what I began to ask next.
Why?
Why are people so quick to resort to anger and why is the anger so intense?
With a counseling background, I knew that anger is a secondary emotion. There are other emotions at play that get pushed below the surface because it is easier to deal with anger and it is sometimes considered more socially acceptable, especially for men. A friend recently shared with me a great acronym for the emotions that are typically behind anger (source unknown). It is GIFTS.
G – guilt
I – inferiority or inadequacy
F – fear
T – trauma or hurt
S – shame
If people would take the time to look inside and figure out what was driving their anger, they would most likely find these emotions boiling below the surface. I would like to dive a little deeper into one of these emotions – fear. I personally believe this emotion is the driving force behind a lot of the vitriol we are seeing right now.
Photo by Jimmy Nguyen on Unsplash
The great philosopher, Yoda, (chuckle chuckle), said,
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
Mic drop.
This is exactly where we are today. It is not just anger that you see in the eyes of people, but hate. Hate is spewing out like acid onto others and it is causing suffering to all. Vitriol.
So, what is causing this fear?
Fear of an ever changing virus.
Fear of death.
Fear of the loss of a loved one.
Fear of the loss of control.
Fear of change.
Fear of things not changing.
Fear of oppression.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of our past repeating.
These examples are only the tip of the iceberg!
Fear causes physiological responses from our body and our brain uses it to keep us safe. “Fear starts in the part of the brain called the amygdala. According to Smithsonian Magazine, “A threat stimulus, such as the sight of a predator, triggers a fear response in the amygdala, which activates areas involved in preparation for motor functions involved in fight or flight…”” (Psychology and Counseling News)
When our fear is triggered our brain causes our heart rate to increase, our muscles to tighten, our breathing to quicken and our adrenaline to spike. We then react in three different ways: freeze, flee or fight.
In Starbucks, when the argument between the two people escalated my first response was to freeze and not say anything. Then my brain motivated me to move away from the situation, to flee. However, the third man in the situation came into a heightened situation and chose to engage, to fight.
As for the two people arguing so intensely, I wondered, where is this coming from?
There are times when our body will overreact to situations because of past trauma. When people have past trauma(s) and have not healed from it, those feelings can resurface in their present because the brain holds onto those past physical responses . Many times when you see someone reacting to a situation and their emotions don’t justify the intensity of the emotion it is usually because there are unhealed issues behind it.
If someone is hysterical it is usually historical.
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com
Add our past traumas and hurts to an already chaotic and stressful time and you have a very overloaded brain and a possible volatile response.
Dr. Sheri Keffer, says “We’re not designed to weather long-term calamity. When we feel powerless because things don’t change, our brains overload and shut down.” Our brain system is in a constant state of panic which leads us to overreact and respond by fleeing or fighting.
During this chaotic time in our lives, I often wonder how many people out there are reacting historically? How many of them have been traumatically hurt in their past? How many are in a constant state of anxiety and panic? Is this why we see so much intensity in heated exchanges?
When our brains want to fight, it comes out as anger, which, if not dealt with, over time leads to hate and ultimately our bodies, souls and those around us suffer.
If you find yourself in the middle of heated exchanges whether on social media or in person, I want to encourage you to dig deeper.
Ask yourself, what is the emotion underneath the anger?
Is it fear?
What are you afraid of?
Why are you afraid?
Where did that come from?
The “why” and the “where” is where the healing needs to take place.
My friend, take that incident, thought or belief to Jesus, the healer of all wounds. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 And talk to someone you trust.
I’d like to offer the antidote to Yoda’s quote that ends with suffering. There is a way out.
Suffering leads to perseverance. Perseverance leads to character. Character leads to HOPE. (Romans 5:3-4)
Allow this crazy time to build your character instead of your hate. And let that lead to hope instead of suffering.
Peace.
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